1. The sanctity of our mailboxes. How do you know there won't be a rattlesnake in there the next time you open it?
2. The status of Alex Trebek's mustache. At this point I've forgotten if he has one or not.
3. Human waste disposal. What if it didn't exist? Yes, that includes chamber pots. Where would we put all that shit?
4. Human waste. What if we never shit it the first place? We'd just build shit up in our bodies and bloat bigger and bigger throughout our lives. People would have deflation surgery to look younger.
5. Did you know our brains do the least thinking when we're idly watching television? What would we do for low brain activity if we didn't have mildly interesting TV?
6. Paris Hilton. There's nobody on the celebrity lampoon spectrum even close to her. She's the new world's standard for crass materialistic stupidity.
7. Top 10 lists. You folks always assume they're gonna have 10 items on them. Well this is what I call an express lane list; that is, ten items or less. Fuck off.
Monday, February 18, 2008
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